There are certain news sources that are so revered, so
respected, so prolific that, like Prince or Madonna, they are simply identified
by a lone moniker.
Examples of such iconic news sources include: The Times, The Post, The BBC and of course America’s Finest News Source - The Onion.
While journalists may respect, and even admire other news sources, when it comes to The Onion every journalist deep down inside aspires to reach a pinnacle in their career where they can cover such earth-shattering stories as Bush being elected the President of Iraq, Obama’s plans to run for McCain’s senate seat in 2010 or about how the nation is ready to be lied to about the economy again.
These are the stories that stir the loins of journalists shackled by the drudgery of council meetings, bake sales and municipal pool issues, which even The Onion manages to make a worthy read – “Hideous man-beast washes up on the shores of municipal pool.”
While most papers report the same mundane stories day in and day out, The Onion always seems to get the scoop on the latest in-depth reporting, such as the military’s “don’t tell let me guess policy.”
Even The Onion’s most mundane news, such as their briefs or opinion section really seems to have that edge that other news outlets don’t. Where else can readers get the latest updates on KFC no longer being able to use the word “eat” in its advertisements, or how Florida has legalized taking guns to work.
Only The Onion was able to get the interview with Twitter creator Jack Dorsey where he confessed that he was shocked and saddened to learn that his networking device was being used by Iranians to disseminate actual real time information.
And when The Onion was bold enough to report in 2000 the grave truth that dolphins were developing opposable thumbs inciting what could be the end of humanity, where were The Times and Post then?
These are the stories every journalist really wants to write, but is restricted by the constraints of such longstanding journalistic practices like “truth,” “accuracy” and “ethics.”
When The Onion unleashed its sensationalist report that meat is now America’s No. 2 condiment, they weren’t concerned with such narrow-minded mainstream ideals. The Onion was focused on a story that would captivate the minds, hearts and stomachs of Americans everywhere.
There are those who scoff that The Onion isn’t a real newspaper but The Onion has proven its authenticity as of late by displaying characteristics of a real newspaper – staff reductions, bureau closures and putting itself up for sale. Now that’s a real newspaper.
