Stuff Journalists Like – #62 Using Their Job to Score

Unlike their richer and more successful friends, the fringe
benefits for trolling away in a newsroom are next to nadda.

The pay is akin to indentured servants. The hours are horrible.
And the best chance of any kind of retirement package is hoping for some kind
of workplace injury. The best on-the-job perk is a free newspaper subscription.
Hell, the high school dropout working at the food court in the mall at least
gets a 15 percent discount.

But there is one perk for being a journalist that is not in any
employee’s benefit package or handbook.

Journalists like using their job to score.

Journalists can’t use their position to score free drinks, a free
round of golf or a round-trip flight to Vegas but journalists do use their
position to score.

Inside a newsroom, scoring a little overnight companionship
is easier said than done. If newspaper owners got a
dollar every time journalists hooked up with someone inside the newsroom,
newspapers would be able to tell the internet to piss off. But outside the
newsroom, with everything being even, journalists are at the bottom of the food
chain.

In a crowded bar, your standard journalist does not stand a chance
against the bankers, the hipsters or even the homeless man who just peed on
himself. So after attempts like offering to a buy a round of drinks (praying
the target orders something on special) fail, in a last-ditch effort not to sleep alone, a journalist will use his or her daytime gig to seal the deal.

It is standard protocol for journalists to flash a business card
or byline in order to impress a one night stand romantic
interest. Journalists will then nonchalantly talk about their upcoming
important meetings with important people and important stuff.

“Yeah, I got that meeting early tomorrow with the governor about
that thing. No big deal. Then I got to talk to the senator about his re-election.”

Power is a sexy and attractive characteristic. Power = instant
panty remover. And journalists – well, they are often in the room with powerful
people. And that’s usually close enough.

Surprisingly, people think journalism is sexy. Journalists have
Robert Redford (All the President’s Men) and George Clooney (One Fine Day) to
thank for this image. If people knew how unsexy journalism really was,
journalists would be stuck hitting on the Candy, a woman who promised 20 years
ago to stop stripping.

Sometimes “I’m a journalist” is met with shame and embarrassment.
After hearing about how unglamorous a journalist’s life really is, some
actually pity and feel sorry for journalists. That leads to pity sex.
Journalists are ok with this.

 Admittedly, as more and more journalism is done online, and
added by the fact that any monkey with a internet connection can write a blog,
it has gotten harder lately for journalists to score using their job but
succeeding three out of 10 times is 100 percent better than 0 out of 10. Wait,
that’s 100 percent, right? Someone get a calculator.