If you haven't noticed it's the middle of August. School's back in session and the smell of pumpkin spice is already in the damn air. Yes, summer is offically* over. If it's hard to think of anything memorable from the past three months - it's not your fault. The summer of 2016 will go down as the most forgettable summer in the history. If you're having a hard time remembering why, let me help.
Our movies sucked
This was a terrible summer for movies that weren't animated. Save for a cash-grab sequel featuring a fish with short-term memory, there were no breakout hits at the box office. Audiences said no thanks to an "Independence Day" sequel, didn't answer the call to a "Ghostbusters" reboot and are still asking why they keep making "Star Trek" movies. If you want further proof this was a dreadful season at the movie theaters, look at "Suicide Squad," a movie that no one likes opened up at $133 million. I guess people are desperate.
There was no song of the summer
How can you have a summer without a song? It's just not done. But here we are. It's August and we don't have a song of the summer. And please, don't try to convince me that Justin Timberlake song from that "Troll" movie is the song of the summer. Not happening. Sorry.
Our politics sucked
Every day Trump said something stupider than the day before and Clinton seemingly can't stop apologizing for her emails. Every day of this political season was a reminder that we will either have Trump or Clinton in the White House in January. Makes you long for the days of Sarah Palin.
Summer of violence
Philando Castile. Alton Sterling. The three Baton Rouge police officers. The five Dallas police officers. Every time the nightly news was on, it was just more and more bad news. Almost enough to make you swear off news for life.
Usually you can depend on celebrities to keep you entertained but like everything else this summer, our celebrities have let us down. Taylor Swift breaks up with a guy and then dates another similar-looking guy? Yawn. Kim K. and Swift feuding? Please. Wake up me when we have a video of Swift unzipping her human skin costume to reveal her true reptilian self.
I have to admit I haven't been watching much of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Phelps. Gabby Douglas. Usain Bolt. Is this 2016 or 2012? Geez, even the Olympics can't avoid sequels.
So there you have it — why 2016 will be a summer will be the most forgettable summer of your life. Hey, on the bright side, fall is just right around the corner.